


I Should Tell You

by lissaann



Series: I Should Tell You [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drunk Dean, Drunken Confessions, Facebook group, M/M, Pining, Wincest Writers prompt, prompt: whisper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 22:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12198633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lissaann/pseuds/lissaann
Summary: Set just after 1x16 - Shadow. After the boys leave Dad, Dean  has a confession to make to Sam.





	I Should Tell You

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt fill for the first Wincest Writers challenge, prompt: whisper. I guess my muse came back!

It was 2:17am when Dean stumbled in from the bar, where he went by himself and returned by himself. It’s not as if he would have brought someone back to the motel room with Sam there; he’s not that stupid. However, he also didn’t go anywhere else but the bar, either. He was frustrated, had needed space from Sam and wanted some companionship, mostly because the thoughts in his head wouldn’t shut up. Sam had admitted that he was as good as gone once they had found and beaten the demon. Dean tried to tell him that he wanted Sam to stay with him, to stay with _them_ once it was finished. It was hard for Dean to admit, but he wanted his family back. Sure, Dad and Sam had their arguments – Dean had stepped in between them often enough to know that – but things could be better. Once the demon was gone, Dad could stop being so angry, so controlling. Sam and he could _get along_. Maybe they’d even decide to move to California _together_ , so Sam could finish school. 

Dean closed the door and stood just inside, glancing at Sam who was fast asleep. They had shared rooms often enough that they both knew how to come back to the room without waking the other up. He ran a hand through his hair. Sam looked so innocent while he was asleep, the way he should always look. Dean knew this life was never for him and the guilt he felt about bringing him back in was mitigated only by the desire to have Sam with him. Desire…he tried to ignore that. It had been so long. He desired Sam in so many different ways. Most of the ways he’d never even mention aloud to anyone. He knew they were wrong. When Sam had left, anger buried the desire he had for Sam. He never thought he would forgive him, much less desire him again. He had broken Dean’s heart in the most devastating way possible. But all’s it took was seeing Sam again and he was gone. It was like he had never left. Dean was nuts thinking he wouldn’t forgive his brother. 

Dean grabbed the half-full bottle of whiskey from the table and sat down on the bed, facing Sam. He alternated between gulps of whiskey and staring at Sam. Softly, he let out a laugh. “Drunk and asleep, I guess that’s the only way I can talk to you.” He paused, trying to figure out where to go next. “You can’t leave me, Sammy,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “I need you too much.” He drank another mouthful of whiskey. “Listen to me, sounding like a pussy.” He chuckled again quietly as his eyes began to water. “I love ya, Sammy. So damn much it hurts sometimes. You’re the only one who can do this to me, make me so crazy, you know? Never loved anyone as much as I love you. Never been so hurt as when you left. I tried the booze and the women, but it didn’t help. Even Cassie. As much as I cared for her, as much as I thought we might have a future together, it wouldn’t ever be enough.” He ran his hand over his face, trying to wipe the tears away. “God help me, I want you, Sam. In ways a person shouldn’t want his brother. I know you’d run away screaming if you knew. But you’re a part of me, Sammy. Always have been, always will be. I’d give anything to share all of me with you. Every part. I want to be yours in every way possible. I don’t want to see you touch anyone else.” He let out a short, low snort. “Like I can ask that of you. Like I have some kind of right or something.” He shook his head. “I don’t even know if you feel anything for me at all. For Christ’s sake, you had to go all the way across the country! You knew, didn’t you. You knew how I lay awake at night, trying not to touch you, trying to not let you know how you were affecting me.” He took another swallow. “I should shut up before I wake you.” Dean had to fight every urge he had to just lean over and kiss Sam, even on the forehead. They didn’t do that, hadn’t since Sam was 10. He looked Sam over one more time, sniffling and then shuffling off to the bathroom. 

Maybe someday he’d have the courage to tell Sam. He could only hope he didn’t drive his brother away again.


End file.
